Talking to Your Kids about School Violence

School shootings and other violence in schools can be a parent’s worst nightmare. It makes parents wonder, “How do I keep my kids safe?”, “How do I prepare them for a world that can be frightening and traumatic?” and “How do I talk to my kids about school violence? “

The answer is not as scary as you might think. In fact, just making the time to have a discussion about it and to show that you care is the most important step. Here are some tips when talking about school violence with your children…

Be prepared and informed –
School violence can be an emotional topic for parents. Your child is looking for guidance from their most trusted source: you. It’s important to be calm and ready to answer questions so that you can reassure your child. You can best do this by processing your feelings first. Start by talking with a friend about your feelings or just taking time to do some self-care to mentally prepare. Self-care practices like meditation, going for a walk to clear your head, or whatever you need to relax can help you process your feelings around school violence. 
In addition, you can stay informed by reading the school emails. Know when the planned safety drills are occurring so that you can monitor how your child reacts to them and be prepared should there be questions.

Set aside quality time and limit social media –
Life is understandably busy, but carving out time to connect with your children is key. Try to find time to talk with your kids regularly without distractions, even if it’s for just a short time. If you have multiple children, be aware that conversations about school violence will differ. Younger children may not benefit from hearing your talk with your teen; they will need their own separate time with you. 
Be conscious of the media that you and your family are taking in. Be aware of what the news is saying on TV and monitor how much time your kids are spending on social media. Increased exposure to images or confusing information can be traumatizing and heighten a child’s anxiety around this topic.

Acknowledge your child’s feelings so you can meet them on their level –
Let your children know that it’s okay to be sad or worried. Express that you are there to listen and talk to them, even though it feels scary. Let them ask questions to gauge what they know so that you can answer appropriately. You don’t need to offer details they might not be ready for. 
Younger children (Grades K-2) will need brief and simple information in words that they can understand. They need reassurance that they are safe and that adults around them are there to protect them. 
Older children (Grades 3-7) will need more concrete examples of how their safety is provided. Discussing the school safety plans such as locked door entries and safety drills will help demonstrate the many real time efforts that are in place to reassure their safety. 
Teens (Grades 8-12) might have more questions and strong opinions about what is happening.  Hear them out and let them know what they can do to keep their school safe (i.e., reminders of school rules of not letting strangers into buildings, reporting threats to adults, etc). 

Seek professional help if needed –
Pay attention to your child’s behavior, as they may not always express their feelings freely. If you notice severe changes in their behavior (particularly related to school), appetite, or sleep, then this could be an indicator that additional support is needed. For those already affected with a recent trauma or mental health struggles, be aware that symptoms can resurface or increase in severity. 

If you are still nervous about talking with your kids about school violence, know that it’s okay—in fact, it’s normal. Being honest, acknowledging your child’s feelings, responding with age-appropriate statements, and reassuring safety are key, but making the time to connect with your child and simply listen is the most important.