Supporting Kids with Online Learning: When to Step In and When to Step Back

Many parents are stepping in this school year to support their children with online learning. It’s tough for teachers to keep kids focused when they’re on a screen instead of in-person. That’s why parents are doing their best to fill in the gaps and ensure that kids don’t fall behind academically.

But have you ever considered the impact of your added involvement on your children’s executive functioning skills? Executive functioning skills are the set of skills that your child doesn’t get graded for; however, they do play a key role in learning and earning high marks. Strong executive functioning skills allow kids to organize, prioritize, and complete tasks effectively. They help students reflect on what the teacher is saying, stay focused when completing homework, and re-organize when circumstances change at the last minute.

With remote learning, strive to find a balance between stepping in to help and stepping back to let your kid figure things out on their own and develop vital executive functioning skills. Here are some strategies to help you this school year… 

1. Resist the urge to always be there
As a parent, you want to always be there for your children. You want to swoop in and help however you can. At some point, all of the “help” can actually hinder their growth. Consider this: before COVID, you sent your children off to school on their own for the entire day. You weren’t there to tell them to pay attention or take notes. Imagine what it would be like if you were sitting behind them in the classroom, nagging them to be a good student. Wouldn’t it feel like too much? Wouldn’t it be distracting for your children? Resist the urge to always be there. Set your kids up at the start of class, and then step away from the screen for as much of the virtual class time as you can. You can let your children know to call out for you if they need anything, but otherwise, give them the space to learn and grow on their own, like they would in an in-person school setting.

2. Build up responsibility over time
If your children aren’t yet ready for full independence, that’s okay! The amount of time doing remote learning solo will vary depending on your children’s ages and skill levels. No matter where they stand, make it a goal to gradually cultivate their responsibility this school year. You can start by teaching and modeling good executive functioning skills. Show your children what good note taking looks like or how to manage multiple tasks without getting overwhelmed. Step back and release more responsibility to them as you notice them grasping and demonstrating the skills on their own. With a mindful and deliberate approach, your children can gain stronger use of their executive functioning skills over time.

3. Offer effort-based praise
Kids and teens of all ages want to feel validated by their parents. They want to be recognized for when they do something well. When children receive praise, it subconsciously motivates them to succeed again, or try even harder next time. Offer your children effort-based praise. This type of praise goes beyond the typical “You’re so smart!” or “You’re very good at math!” It acknowledges the effort they put in, which can be more empowering than praising your kids for what they’re good at. You can apply this kind of praise to academics and to chores around the house. For example, maybe history isn’t your child’s best subject. Memorizing dates and events might be boring and difficult for them. Give them praise when they put a good effort in, like “I know how hard history is for you. I was impressed by how you spent so much time studying for your last history test, making flashcards and going through them over and over again. You’re doing a great job putting in the effort outside of class!” It’s best to be genuine, specific, and progress-focused in your praise; it will mean a lot to your children.

4. Give incentives for independence
Sometimes, you may be so focused on telling your children what they need to do better that you forget to reward them when they do something well. Give your children incentives for overcoming challenges and gaining independence through simple and immediate rewards. After taking diligent notes during a long math class, offer your child a yummy snack. If they just finished taking a difficult test, give them a treat of a 15-minute video game break or time on the trampoline. It’s just as important to offer positive rewards to your children when they do well as it is to let them know how they can improve.

It’s easy to fall into a cycle of constantly helping your children with online learning. You try so hard to ensure your kids are attentive and engaged, that you may hinder their independence without even realizing it. It’s a pattern of behavior that isn’t beneficial for your mental health or your children’s growth. Luckily, there are ways to promote the continued development of executive functioning skills during remote learning. It’s all about finding a balance—determining when it’s best to step in and when to hold back and let your children gain independence.