How to Help your Child Cope with School Anxiety

Kids and teens of all ages recognize that this school year is not like any year before. Whether their school year is starting off with remote, hybrid, or in-person learning, it is a major change from what they are used to. The new school year already comes with the anxieties of new classes, different classmates, new teachers, and potentially a new school. The addition of a pandemic only makes the nervousness, uncertainty, and apprehension even more intense. As a parent, you can help to ease your child’s worries. Here are some strategies to make the extra daunting transition back into a new school year more manageable.

Practice relaxation –
One of the best ways to combat uneasiness is to practice relaxation. DBT offers a variety of relaxation techniques, such as mindfulness and distress tolerance. One mindfulness exercise is to self-soothe. You use the five senses to comfort, soothe, and nurture yourself. For example, you invoke vision by doodling, you focus on hearing by listening to your favorite playlist, and you incorporate smell by lighting a scented candle. The goal is to participate in relaxing activities that integrate your five senses, so you can focus on those sensations in the present moment.
In addition, Wise Mind ACCEPTS is a distress tolerance skill that you can practice when feeling anxious. It’s an acronym for a set of distraction skills; they distract you from your fears and help you focus on the positive instead. The C’s in ACCEPTS stand for “contributing” and “comparisons.” “Contributing” encourages you to distract yourself from your own problems by focusing on how to help someone else. “Comparisons” helps you distract yourself from your problems by comparing yourself to other people in worse situations. By introducing your child to these relaxation exercises (and learning them together, if they’re open to it), your child can discover go-to techniques that help them in times of distress.

Be a positive role model –
Remember that calmness is contagious! Like any other emotion, the calmness you exert can be picked up on by others. Do your best to model emotional resilience for your children. You will have times where you face intense emotions, and that’s okay. What matters is how you respond to those emotionally challenging times. Be mindful of your reaction to obstacles. Instead of lashing out or isolating when you’re facing a tough day, use a coping skill like Wise Mind ACCEPTS. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, practice self care by treating yourself to a bubble bath. When you’re feeling drained, take a mindful break from your screen and go for a walk. Demonstrate to your children that work can get done effectively at home, or that precautions can be safely taken when going outside. Respond to your emotions in the ways that you would want your children to. When you model healthy behaviors, your kids will be more likely to follow in your footsteps.

Embrace flexibility –
Right now, nothing is certain. You may not know what the next few months of school will look like, let alone how your week will pan out. During these uncertain times, it’s important for your and your children to take a flexible stance. Encourage your children to have an open mind. Show them that expectations are not set in stone. Be open to different possibilities, whether it’s dinner plans that change at the last minute or schedule changes at school. Show empathy to others as plans change; be understanding with teachers, with your children, with your partner, and with yourself. While you want things to go perfectly smoothly, the odds are that they won’t. It’s okay if everything doesn’t turn out as planned. Embrace uncertainty and accept the present moment for whatever it is. You don’t have to like it or agree with it, but when you accept it, you are better prepared to move forward.

This school year is understandably stressful for everyone. Kids and teens have every right to be anxious about schoolwork, friendships, and more given the current circumstances. While you can’t get rid of your child’s apprehension, you can help ease their worries. By utilizing relaxation techniques, modeling positive coping behaviors to stress, and taking a flexible stance, you can be the support that your child needs to succeed this school year.