Navigating Your Teen's Emotions
Do you sometimes feel like you’re walking on eggshells with your teen? Like certain things you do or say could easily set them off? If your child’s emotions are causing a disconnect and leaving you at a loss for how to respond, don’t worry! Teens are prone to emotional ups and downs; it’s part of growing up. Sometimes intense emotions will quickly pass, while other times, they’ll stick around for a while. How can you navigate your child’s emotional experience without either of you feeling as frustrated, confused, or upset? Emotion regulation skills can help! Ask yourself these questions to make the experience more manageable for you and your teen…
What makes your teen susceptible to emotional ups and downs?
Approach this question by thinking about recent moments when your teen was dealing with intense emotions. What triggered the emotion? What exactly made them feel heavy sadness, powerful anger, or serious anxiety? Consider both internal and external factors, like stressful environments, a negative past experience in that situation, hunger, or lack of sleep. Every teen has different triggers. Make a note of what specific circumstances or conditions make your teen more susceptible to heightened emotions. Once you’re aware of their emotional vulnerabilities, you can work with your teen to reduce the odds of being overcome by intense emotions.
How does your teen usually respond to intense emotions?
Once you know what sets your teen off, consider how they respond to their emotional vulnerabilities. Think back to the last time they were under intense stress. How did they respond to it? What did they do? Did they lash out, did they isolate, or did they do something else? If possible, get your teen thinking about how they respond to intense emotions. Have them ask themselves, “How does my body respond to anger, to fear, to anxiety?” Do they make a fist, does their heart rate speed up, do they become fatigued? By becoming aware of their typical response, they can start to pinpoint when an intense emotion is building up. If you and your teen notice the warning signs before the emotions become too strong, you’ll be able to deal with the feelings before they’re out of hand.
What can your teen do to manage triggering situations?
Coping skills help your teen to take control of their emotions and manage emotionally triggering situations. They’re designed to help people better recognize, understand, accept, and regulate their emotions. One coping skill is TIPP, which is an acronym for taking your emotional temperature. The P’s in TIPP stand for “paced breathing” and “progressive muscle relaxation.” You can use paced breathing to slow down your breath and calm down. Progressive muscle relaxation also lowers your teens’s emotional temperature, reducing emotional vulnerability. While breathing into your belly, tense your body muscles. Then exhale and relax. Next time you feel your emotional temperature rising, try one of these techniques.
Especially for teens, big emotions are hard to manage. It’s not easy keeping their feelings in check when they’re managing school, friendships, and so much more. These questions can help you and your teen start the conversation around emotions. They’ll help you both recognize, understand, and cope with your teen’s emotions. The goal is for your teen to learn how to identify when they feel their emotions intensifying, so they can use a coping skill before the emotion spirals out of their control.