What To Do When You're Not Getting What You Need From Therapy
Have you ever felt stuck in a therapy session? Have you felt like you weren’t getting what you need or wanted? This is NORMAL and this is okay. If it happens once in a blue moon, it may not be a problem. But if it’s occurring more and more often, then it’s important to address it head-on. What can you do to figure out what’s going on and what you can do to get what you need from therapy? We’ll walk you through it…
First, it’s important to understand what’s not working as you had hoped.
Where is the feeling of disappointment or uneasiness coming from? Ask yourself the following questions: Is my therapist reminding me of a friend or a relative? Am I able to allow myself to open up in session with my therapist? Do I feel comfortable talking about certain issues with my therapist? These are all normal questions to ask yourself during your therapy journey. Check in with yourself to see where you’re at and what may be causing these feelings.
Once you’ve given it some thought, talk about it.
The journey of therapy is extremely individualized and fits everyone to their own needs. If you’re feeling as though you really enjoy your relationship with your therapist, but you’re just not getting what you need from therapy, talk about it. In order for your therapist to help you meet your needs and goals, discuss what is lacking from the session. The therapist is trained to not take things personally or judge you, even if you’re talking about what isn’t working about therapy. So much valuable information can be found in unpacking your discomfort with your therapist. If you feel like you don’t know what to talk about right now, why is that? If you’re nervous of bringing up this conversation, why is that? Start by getting the conversation started and making your therapist aware that something isn’t quite right.
Here’s how you can prep for the conversation with your therapist.
Acknowledge that this is an uncomfortable and a difficult conversation to have -
This is not easy. First, give yourself credit for recognizing that something isn’t right and wanting to do something about it! Then, consider telling your therapist that this is uncomfortable for you to bring up. They will better understand where you’re coming from if you start this way.Create a game plan -
If you don’t know where to begin, create a plan and write down key points that you would like to bring up in the session. You can even plan to say something like “I want to tell you something, but I’m afraid of being judged.” Your therapist will know how to take it from there.Ask about other approaches -
There’s more than one way to get your message across. It may be a good idea to brainstorm with your therapist other forms of therapies or techniques that will be beneficial for you. The therapist is trained to brainstorm other approaches and find the right fit for you.Say it! -
Explain that you’re not getting what you need from the sessions by saying something like “I feel like I’m lacking something in our sessions, can you help me explore that further?” Your therapist will help guide you to understanding on a more deeper level - it’s okay to not know yourself.
Like any journey, therapy is not linear. You will hit obstacles and feel stuck at times. If you feel like you’re not getting what you need from therapy, that is more than okay. In fact, it’s amazing that you’re noticing something could be improved! Challenge yourself further by starting the conversation and exploring what isn’t working with your therapist. If you need motivation to have this conversation, come back to your “why” of therapy. Consider asking yourself these questions- what brought be in here? What am I hoping to accomplish? What would I like to change in my life? It’s okay to not know.
There is a bright path on the opposite side of fear and discomfort. This conversation can transform how you feel in therapy. You’re taking an important step in allowing yourself to benefit more from the sessions and ultimately achieve your goals.