Anxiety and "Coming Out"

Sexual orientation is an important part of our identity and questioning that aspect of self can sometimes be anxiety-inducing for a multitude of reasons. Within sexual orientation, the concept and idea of the individual coming to an understanding of who they are as a person and their sexual preference can provoke an identity crisis, which can in turn cause anxiety. It is known that the LGBTQ+ community experiences a higher risk for developing mental health disorders, especially Anxiety and Depression.

The anxiety surrounding coming to an understanding of self-sexual orientation and explaining it to others, is a vastly complex phenomenon. In this article, I have highlighted a couple of key points that may help ease the anxiety in individuals who are experiencing this dilemma.

Anxiety is a natural response to a potentially stressful situation. This is a big moment in your life and it requires a lot of courage. You may be concerned or worried that people may see you differently or not approve of you. Since we are instinctually social, we crave that approval and desire to be included. If you're really struggling with anxiety or depression, seeing a therapist will be very helpful in managing the emotions that are associated with this process.

 Ways to help manage the anxiety surrounding coming out to family or friends-

Accept and validate yourself

Accept who you are as a person, practice Radical Acceptance. Validate that this is a stressful situation to be in AND you will get through this. Identify what support you may need to help you in this process- friends, family, therapist, etc. this step will help you build more confidence in understanding who you are at your core. The first step to change is accepting yourself. This may be the most difficult part of the process, but the most crucial. Notice your thoughts and stay mindful. Doing some deep breathing, mindfulness exercises, and grounding strategies will help you manage the anxiety throughout this process.

Challenge any negative thoughts

If your anxiety is telling you- “what if they don’t approve of me, what if they don’t accept me?” Working to reframe those thoughts will be more productive in managing the anxiety. Reframing the thoughts can look like coming up with more balanced, helpful thoughts to replace the automatic negative thoughts. For example, an unhelpful thought would be- “what if my parents don’t accept me?” replacing that thought with- “have they ever not accepted me, who are they as people, what are their values?”

Understand and accept your feelings/emotions

Ask yourself- “what am I feeling right now, why am I feeling this way?” Accepting and acknowledging your emotions will help you better understand where the anxiety is coming from- is it fear, sadness, worry? Sit with your emotions and journal about them- explore this within yourself. Ride the wave with your emotions, don't let them control you. Bottling up your emotions and not having an outlet can be unhelpful with managing the anxiety.

Prepare yourself for those conversations

Before a conversation surrounding sexual orientation takes place, prepare yourself with notes on what you’re planning on saying or how to answer questions. Think through beforehand how conversations may go with certain people you plan to tell. Rehearsing this conversation with a therapist or a trusted friend can be helpful in aiding what you would like to say.