Your Family Plan for Managing COVID-19
We are ALL navigating uncharted territory together and it is important that you create a plan for YOUR FAMILY that effectively manages anxieties, scheduling and completing of tasks while staying both physically AND mentally healthy.
There is hype. There is hearsay. There are opinions and beliefs. And then there is WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR FAMILY?
Here are some tips for helping your family effectively navigate Coronavirus:
Talk about it. Most kids in our area have already heard about it as their teachers and school administrators have prepped them for online learning.
Keeping kids in the dark by minimizing their concerns, putting them off, or feeding into their anxieties with our own, only makes matters worse.
Children often talk to each other about this kind of topic so it would be expected that they are passing along misinformation. A conversation with your kids is an opportunity to discuss FACTS, to convey the truth in a nonjudgmental and non-panicky tone and to VALIDATE their feelings. It makes sense that kids might be worried – aren’t you? Share the facts and don’t elaborate or lie. Saying, “there’s nothing to worry about” or “you’re young and healthy so you won’t get it” is not necessarily factual and might diminish trust in the long run.
Stay neutral. Feeling or being judgmental about someone else’s concerns might cause an increase in silent anxiety. Be mindful not to talk to your spouse or partner (especially in front of the kids) in disparaging or judgmental tones about other families or the school district or the government. Make neutral comments such as, “I have to hear more about that,” or “I’m not sure if that makes sense.” Manage your emotional temperature and be mindful of how intensely you are expressing emotions. Remember, you are the model for your kids and they will replicate what you say!
Have an open invitation. Keep the door open for discussion so that your child feels comfortable sharing feelings or news with you. No comment or feeling that your child shares is stupid or unwelcome. That said, don’t belabor the topic and make it the ONLY topic. Use healthy distractions as a way to shift focus. Perhaps create a nightly check-in time such as directly after dinner so kids know when they will have a dedicated time to talk.
If you don’t know an answer say, “We don’t have enough information about that right now.” We have not dealt with a situation as widespread and serious as this one in our lifetimes, so don’t pretend you know everything. Stay calm and neutral whenever possible and say, “we are definitely going to figure that out!” Appear confident, but not untruthful.
Manage your own anxiety. This is very hard to do when our supermarket shelves are empty, when it’s ALL people can talk about or when you have a baseline of anxiety already. STAY IN TOUCH with yourself. Check in. Keep your appointments with your own therapist (online telehealth sessions work great!) so that you can make sure you are getting the support you need. Keep exercising. Manage a mindset of fear. If you find yourself obsessing or perseverating, use the DBT Skill of Opposite Emotion – elicit the a happy emotion by watching a funny TV show, reading from a joke book or calling your “funny” friend. It’s ok to ask for some time for yourself before answering your child’s questions or managing their emotions. If you are calm and direct, they will feel more secure.
Act in a reassuring manner. Developmentally, kids are egocentric, which means that they think EVERYTHING applies to them. Use the DBT skill of CHECKING THE FACTS. This means having evidence that what you are thinking or saying is true. Challenge beliefs with statements such as, “we don’t have evidence to support that,” or “ sometimes our minds can blow things up and make them seem worse.” Speak factually about the odds of them getting symptoms from the virus and use reassuring words such as, “this is temporary” and “we don’t have facts about that” so they can feel more secure.
Highlight what you ARE doing. Have a family discussion about what IS in your control. What can you, as a group, do to reduce the risk that you will contract the virus or get ill? Make the kids feel like an integral part of the discussion so they feel a sense of control. DISCUSS AND PRACTICE what works in reducing virus transmission such as:
Consistent hand washing: Time and amount of friction are important here so make sure your kids are using enough soap, washing for a long enough time (at least 20 seconds) and with enough friction. Show them how to do it yourself and then practice with them. Perhaps give a reward to younger kids who practice this procedure on their own.
Cough or sneeze directly into a tissue and then throwing the tissue directly into the garbage. This might be difficult as it means correcting other hygiene habits and it requires having tissues handy and thinking about it before it happens. But ALL habits can be broken. Make sure you model this behavior yourself.
Keep hands AWAY from eyes, nose and mouth. This is also a hard one. For many people, touching our faces is involuntary and we often don’t even know we are doing. Gentle reminders help. Also, focus on your own behaviors. Keep tissues readily accessible so you can scratch or wipe your face with a tissue in hand.
Practice appropriate SOCIAL DISTANCING. The reason our local school are closed is to FLATTEN THE CURVE of the virus’ spread. This has been studied to be effective and as a community we ALL need to do our part. Social distancing requires people to be 6’ away from each other. Yes, this is difficult when kids are actively playing so this requires limiting outside play. This may be difficult in the short run, but absolutely essential to reduce the spread
Stick to routine. Kids are used to structure, especially during the school week, so keeping to a routine for sleep, eating and exercise is essential for good physical and mental health.
Set and stick to consistent bed and waking times. Even if you are moving to an online learning platform that starts later in the day, it is important that kids get enough sleep and wake up at about the same time each day. Keep your bed time routines the same. This is especially important for teens who may take a less structured environment for granted and stay up later on devices. This may feed into a cycle of later bed times and more emotional ups and downs. Also, kids feel empowered when they understand the routine and feel a sense of security when parents stick to it.
Have meals at consistent times. Knowing when each meal will be served that day helps kids manage their hunger. Some kids eat out of boredom or to soothe emotions so it is important that each person understand when meal time and snack time will be. Also, family meal time is great for bonding, hanging out and giving kids a dedicated time to ask questions.
COPE AHEAD. Have a family huddle every night. Talk about what the next day looks like and how each family member can contribute to the execution of a successful day.
Discuss topics such as:menu planning
school schedule
work schedule
taking care of pets
family game time
family craft time
outdoor time
chores
Other
Who will do what? What role can each family member take to keep the family system healthy and on task? Perhaps assign a family huddle leader each night so that your kids can run the meeting too.
Coping ahead also means being prepared. Order some new games or puzzles online. Buy crafts that your kids enjoy and whip them out to prevent boredom or rising emotional temperatures. Be realistic about juggling online schooling and managing your own work and set a new schedule that works for your family.
Reach out to a licensed therapist. If you are already working with a therapist for yourself or family member, keep the appointments as consistently as possible. Many therapists offer online telehealth sessions that are secure and are just like being in person! Kids with anxiety need to feel like business is as usual, so if they typically see their therapist on Tuesdays, see if you can make that happen online.
If you are not currently working with a therapist, reach out. Many therapists have availability now and are adjusting schedules to be more flexible and accommodating. Contact your insurance company if you are looking to find a therapist in network with your insurance. If you are able to use out of network benefits for insurance for mental health, a quick google search in your area can offer you some local therapy practices. As usual, ask your friends and family who they recommend.
It is important that you make both your physical AND mental health a priority during this time. It might seem like a luxury, however it can be essential to optimizing your overall well-being.
Empowerment in a time of uncertainty is essential to security and stability. Empower yourselves with knowledge, stay factual and make sound judgments and decisions. Being flexible is part of empowering yourself – just because you decided something for your family yesterday doesn’t mean that you can’t change your minds today.
Empowering your kids will help them FEEL A SENSE OF CONTROL during uncertain or unknown times. Give them tasks that they can master, let them help you and find new and creative ways to distract yourselves and BOND as a family.