Why Change is so Difficult

Change can be both positive and negative depending on the circumstances. Sometimes life unexpectedly changes. Naturally, this can be extremely uncomfortable. Acceptance and adjustment are both challenges that come with change. It is understandable that unexpected and negative life changes are difficult, but it can feel confusing that positive life changes can be equally as difficult to initiate and adjust to.

One of the reasons individuals seek out therapy is because they desire to make important changes in their lives that would better their mental health. This desire is often not enough to propel them into changing their habits, and more support is needed from a therapist to guide them toward reaching their goals.

An individual’s lifestyle may not be serving them. However, it still feels more comfortable than change. Individuals feel more safe when they can expect what they will have to navigate in their daily life. Doing things the same way everyday means that one mostly knows what is going to happen, what they are going to do, and how they are going to feel. There is not much threat in the short term when individuals live their lives this way. But what is at risk long term?

Remaining comfortable means that one’s ability to tolerate distress also remains quite low. This not only affects one’s ability to make small changes in their day to day life but limits their ability to meet more significant goals. If you want to accomplish things like getting a degree, being a leader, or running a marathon then you must be able to tolerate discomfort, challenges, and even failure along the way. It may not seem related but building tolerance by making a small change such as waking up 15 minutes earlier in the morning does increase the likelihood that you can reach your long term goals. This is because you are building your distress tolerance with your willingness to do something uncomfortable today.

In order to increase the likelihood to succeed in making some small changes in the short term, it is helpful to start small. Break down your goal into approachable and attainable steps. Too much change too quickly can lead to a desire to avoid discomfort and remain in your status quo. Utilizing the support of a therapist can help one prioritize their goals and come up with an attainable action plan to successfully reach them and to continuously reflect on the fact that even good change is uncomfortable!