The Importance of Offering Kids Choices
Offering kids choices is a simple but powerful way to help them develop independence, confidence, and decision-making skills. As a parent, it's a goal to teach a child to make smart decisions for themselves and to feel confident in their choices. In addition to modeling positive decision-making skills, you can foster independence from a young age by giving your kids choices. It’s as simple as it sounds: give your kids choices in their everyday lives so that they practice making decisions for themselves early on. Want to learn more about how it’s done and the impact it can make on your child’s future? Read on…
You can encourage your children to make decisions for themselves by integrating choices into their daily routine. For example, you can ask them “What do you want for dinner?” or tell them to “Pick one thing that you want to do today” on the weekend. The key is to give them options so that you’re fostering autonomy while still maintaining appropriate boundaries. This will help your children feel empowered and like they have responsibility surrounding what they do and how they act.
What are some of the benefits of giving your kids choices?
Encourages Independence:
When kids are given choices, they learn how to think for themselves and base their decision off of what they feel is best for them. This fosters problem-solving independence by having them determine the best solution in any given situation. They start to form connections between problems, decisions, and outcomes, so that they understand their choices will come with certain consequences, both good and bad. When their decision results in an undesired or unexpected outcome, your child will see how their choices lead to certain outcomes; over time, they will learn to make a better decision next time based on their past experiences.
Empowerment—and as a result, reduces power struggles:
Have you ever had a battle with your child about what they will wear or what they will eat for dinner? Giving your kids choices within reasonable limits can prevent these power dynamics or struggles within your relationship. Your kids will feel empowered when they start to make choices for themselves. One of the biggest challenges parents and caregivers face is getting kids to cooperate. Often, resistance comes from a child feeling like they have no control over a situation. By offering choices within boundaries, the dynamic shifts from “me versus you” to collaboration, which reduces power struggles.
Understanding of cause and effect:
Your children will better understand the impact of their decisions, by natural consequences. They’ll get a better sense of what’s involved in making the right choice, and what may lead them to make the wrong choice. For example, their impulse may lead them to make decisions that aren’t the best for them. Once they see what happens when they act on impulse and make the “wrong” choice, they will learn from their mistakes and with your guidance, learn to understand why their decision wasn’t the best. Making their own decisions teaches accountability and makes for teachable moments- If they choose to leave their jacket at home and later feel cold, they experience a natural consequence. Based on an unpleasant experience, they may remember that and make a different decision next time.
Increased confidence:
When you give your children the power to choose, they see that their opinion matters to you as a parent. They see that you trust them to make choices for themselves (even if they’re small ones at first). By allowing them to make choices, they learn that their choices have value and that they are capable of making decisions.This will be the first step in aiding autonomy while still offering developmentally appropriate choices. They will feel proud of the fact that they are able to make a choice. This confidence carries over into school, friendships, and future challenges.
How to offer choices effectively-
Giving choices doesn’t mean letting kids have free rein. The key is to offer limited, age-appropriate options that provide a sense of autonomy while keeping boundaries intact. Here's how you can offer choices-
Offer two or three options. Instead of open ended choices, provide a couple of options for your child to decide on. For example: “would you like a granola bar or an apple for a snack?”
Use choices to guide, not control. Frame choices in a way that aligns with your goals. For example- “do you want to do your homework before or after dinner?”
Be consistent. The more you integrate choice into daily routines, the more natural it becomes for your child to think critically and make decisions. This will help with understanding cause and effect and natural consequences.
Giving children choices isn’t just about making daily life smoother—it’s about equipping them with skills that will serve them for their whole life. It takes time for kids to build strong decision-making skills, a sense of confidence, and independence. It won’t happen overnight. As parents and caregivers, we can guide them by offering structured choices that allow them to experience both freedom and responsibility. So next time you’re tempted to make a decision for your child, pause and ask: “Is this something they can decide for themselves?”