Supporting a Loved One in Recovery: Holiday Edition
If you have a child in recovery from an eating disorder, you know that there are many challenges to navigate together. Every day brings its own highs and lows as they learn to cope with distressing emotions and build a healthier relationship with food. The holiday season comes with a new set of challenges for those in recovery and their families. Even if your child is making great strides in the recovery process, you may expect some additional difficulty during this time. Luckily, you can prepare together and make the upcoming challenge more manageable. Here are some helpful tips…
Take the focus off of food:
Traditions surrounding food can be exciting and fun for some, but anticipating eating new and rich foods can feel overwhelming for someone recovering from an eating disorder. Take the emphasis off of food by planning other activities that aren’t food-focused. Discussing activities like ice skating, sledding, watching holiday movies, or volunteering can give your child something to look forward to.Prepare foods that your child is comfortable with:
At big gatherings with family and friends, there are likely to be foods that your loved one in recovery may not consider “safe.” Eating disorder recovery includes exposure to a range of foods, yet dealing with exposure requires building readiness and tolerance over time. If your child does not yet feel ready to try a new food or to eat something that they haven’t had in a while, that’s okay. Talk with them beforehand and plan to bring a food for the party that they do feel comfortable with. You can normalize it by bringing enough of it for everyone!Model healthy plating:
Your loved one in recovery may be working on eating balanced portions and eating mindfully. This can pose a challenge at holiday gatherings with buffet or serve-yourself style food setups. These parties tend to involve grazing on different foods over a long period of time as well. Therefore, this structure may not fit in your child’s recovery plan. Support them by planning to join them in plating their food. When you plate together, you can model healthy plating and gently steer them in the right direction.Avoid diet talk:
Many holiday tables break out into discussions of needing to lose weight or how to lose weight after eating such a filling meal. If someone brings it up, try to steer the conversation away from diet talk. By keeping these conversations off limits, you can reduce feelings of stress or guilt that your child may already be navigating.Set boundaries with friends and family:
If you know that your friends and family have disordered approaches to eating, exercise, or talking about food, then bring it up with them in advance of the holidays. Let them know how it might impact your child. For example, maybe it makes your child feel uncomfortable to talk negatively about food and weight. By making others mindful of your child’s point of view, you can plan together to avoid talking about certain topics this year. Be aware that as much as you try to prepare, you may still need to intervene in the moment to change the subject or remind others to limit these types of conversations.Maintain your routine whenever possible:
It is easy to fall out of our routines when we are off from work or school. However, this temporary change can derail some of the progress that your child in recovery has made. Sleeping in late or skipping a meal can cause a domino effect when it comes to disordered eating. Plan to stick to your child’s routine and meal plan as much as possible over the holidays.Seek professional support:
Discuss your holiday plans in advance with your child’s treatment team. They can help explore stressors and plan coping ahead skills. If you see signs that your child is struggling more than expected, don’t hesitate to reach out for additional support sessions with their team.
If you notice your child is struggling more than usual during the holidays, remember that recovery is not linear. It is normal to see ups and downs while your loved one navigates their journey through recovery. Holidays are an especially tricky time for those in recovery. This time of year involves more gatherings with friends and family, traveling, fancy clothing, rich foods, and time off from school. Any adjustment or change, even a temporary one during holiday season, can be challenging for a person in recovery. Support your child by helping them prepare in advance for how to tolerate the distress of feeling out of control and maintain recovery.