Red Means STOP: How to Manage Distress Effectively
When you’re in a crisis situation, it’s easy to act on your emotions. You may react on an emotional urge without even thinking about it. However, the intensity of emotional urges can often affect how you respond and as a result, cause negative consequences. When you feel yourself becoming frustrated, it can be easy to begin raising your voice or yelling. When you feel upset, you may likely isolate yourself rather than dealing with the issue at hand. While it’s natural to experience a variety of emotions (even powerful ones), acting on the emotions without thinking can negatively impact your mood, your actions, and your relationships. Luckily there is a DBT skill to help you when your emotions are running high: the STOP skill. The STOP skill is a crisis management skill that can help you navigate emotional situations more effectively.
For example, after a long day at work, you receive the fourth email from your son’s teacher that he has failed to turn in his homework on time. You immediately look up from your phone and feel anger take over. What next?
Consider using STOP when you’re reaching your emotional threshold:
S: Stop! Freeze in your tracks. Do not move. Don't let your emotions dictate your response. This is key to creating a buffer between the emotion and the response!
T: Take a step back. Step back physically or in your mind. This helps you "unglue" yourself from the urge to immediately react. Notice your breathing: take a few slow, deep breaths if you need to.
O: Observe. What is going on inside of you? How is your body reacting? What are you thinking and feeling? What are others' around you doing, and saying?
P: Proceed mindfully. Once you feel calmer, you can proceed with the situation. You are now better able to make a wise-minded decision!
In the example above, instead of immediately acting on your anger, practice using STOP. Stop—both physically and mentally. Take a step back from the urge and take a few deep breaths. Observe how you are feeling in this moment and the thoughts that you’re experiencing. Increasing your awareness around the situation will help you respond in a calmer, more rational way. Consider how you can best support your son in submitting his assignments on time, instead of lashing out or yelling at him as a result of your anger. Perhaps you can talk to him about his work ethic, or help him plan out his schedule better so that he’s not rushing to turn in homework at the last minute.
With the STOP skill, you can stop and think things through before acting on emotional urges. You have the power to deal with intense emotions using a combination of emotions and logic. Practice STOP when you’re feeling your emotions intensifying and with time, you will be better able to think, act, and respond to emotions effectively.