How to Respond to Your Child who Self-Harms

It can be scary to learn that your child is self-harming. It may make you feel anxious, concerned, and confused. You may not know how to respond to self-harm behaviors. Fortunately, you are not alone in helping your child who self-harms. Many licensed therapists are specialists in working with teens who self-harm. There is hope! Seek help immediately if you think your child might be engaging in self-injurious behavior.

Additionally, there are steps that you can take as a parent to support your child during this process, such as:

1. Practice mindfulness –
   It might be tempting to react aggressively or emotionally when you first learn of this behavior. However doing so could cause your child to withdraw or it could rupture your relationship with them. It’s possible that your child may be worried about sharing that they self-harm; so if you respond in an emotional way, it could exacerbate their experience. Practice mindfulness in order to maintain a sense of calm and composure. Through engaging in mindfulness exercises, focusing on your breathing, and approaching the situation nonjudgmentally, you’ll be able to address the situation most effectively.
   

2. Use DBT skills –
   Guilt, shame, and worry are normal reactions to learning of self-harm. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers a variety of different coping skills to handle these emotions in healthy ways. By employing a coping mechanism when experiencing these emotions, you’re more likely to have a level-headed approach. For example, practice the skill “Opposite Action.” If you’re experiencing fear or anxiety around your child’s self-harm, do the opposite of how you would instinctively respond. Instead of overthinking or avoiding the situation, confront the situation and take the necessary steps to get the help your child needs.
   

3. Validate your child’s experience –
   One of the best ways to help your child who is self-harming is through validating their experience. This does not mean that you are supporting the behavior; it means you are understanding where they are coming from and that you are hearing their struggle. This can be tremendously empowering and comforting for your child, and it may deepen your parent-child relationship. You may find that your child is just as confused as you are about what is going on as you are. By actively listening and validating their experience, you’re able to give your teen the space to process complex thoughts and feelings.
   

4. Seek out services –
   Once you’re in a Wise Minded place and you’ve assessed the situation collaboratively with your child, you’re able to take the next step of seeking treatment. It is important to keep in mind that as long as your child is not in immediate danger, they may not need to be hospitalized and would rather benefit from a lower level of care. For example, consider finding a DBT therapist in your area. DBT has been found effective in working with individuals who self-harm.
   

Learning that your child is self-harming is difficult. Dealing with self-harm behaviors can be challenging for teens and parents alike. However, in order to effectively address the situation, it is important that you’re taking the necessary steps to before-hand. Follow these suggestions to approach the situation in a wise-minded way as you give your child the support they need.