How to Find Calm while Under Stress with STOP

Too often, we find ourselves in situations where our emotions get the best of us. Our hearts race, we feel tears well in our eyes, or our mood quickly turns sour. No matter what we're feeling in the moment, we can't think clearly when powerful overwhelm us. We make decisions impulsively—decisions we might later regret.

What can you do to calm yourself down during intense moments? All you have to do is STOP. Using the STOP skill, you can calm yourself down during any moment that feels like a crisis. The STOP skill is exactly what it means—it makes you stop whatever you're doing, both physically and emotionally. STOP prevents you from making rash decisions and reacting to stressful situations when your emotions are the strongest. Take a minute or two to stop and pause. Take a step back, observe what’s going on, and then decide how to move forward in a mindful way.

Here are the details on how the STOP skill works:

S: Stop!
Freeze in your tracks. Do not move. Don't let your emotions dictate your response. Do not act on your impulse. Take a pause from what you're currently doing.

T: Take a step back–physically or in your mind.
Step back from the space that's causing you distress; leave the room if you need to. Or, step back from the situation in your mind. Imagine leaving the place that you’re currently in for one that makes you feel at ease. This helps you "unglue" yourself from the urge to immediately react. Notice your breathing, and take a few slow, deep breaths if you need to.

O: Observe.
Notice what’s going on internally and what’s happening around you. What are you thinking and feeling? What are others doing and saying? Pay attention to your surroundings and use your five senses to improve your observation skills. Use words to describe your emotions and your thought processes. Does the situation warrant the intensity of your response?

P: Proceed mindfully.
Use a DBT skill or mindfulness technique to calm yourself down and access Wise Mind. Then you can make a choice using a combination of emotions and logic.

Don't freak out next time you're in a high-stakes situation! You don't have to let intense emotions make you feel distressed and worried in the moment that they occur. STOP is a great DBT skill to utilize when you’re suddenly dealing with intense feelings under stress. Using this skill, all you have to do is stop, pause, and reflect before acting on your emotions. That way, you can deal with stressful situations in a more mindful way.