Co-Parenting During Quarantine: Strategies for Success

Co-parenting means working together with your partner, or even ex-partner, for the greater good of your children. Even the most well-adjusted co-parenting teams encounter obstacles from one day to the next. Now with the added stressor of COVID-19, those struggles can intensify or be different from before quarantine. You may want to re-evaluate and revise your co-parenting strategies to meet new needs.

Here are some tips that might help your co-parenting right now:

Agree on a schedule:
With everyone at home for work and school, your schedule has likely changed. Consider huddling up as a family each week or each night in order to compare upcoming schedules. As a family, find common spaces for free time, meal time, or family time. If you and your partner live together, create a parenting schedule that divides up responsibilities and includes who will do what and when. Having a clear understanding of what your day will look like will decrease anxiety. Also, knowing what your partner will take care of can ease your mind as tasks get taken off your plate. If your co-parenting half does not live with you, communicate your needs clearly and use the huddle up method (over phone or text or email) to work out a clear schedule.

Adopt a mindset of flexibility, cooperativeness, and openness:
These times are hard enough for the whole family without additional conflicts. It can be easy to find yourselves swept up in the chaos of the coronavirus situation. See if you can practice some mindfulness exercises this week to create an internal flexibility and openness. Even just a few minutes of quiet reflection or meditation can help! In times of uncertainty, your mindset is extremely important; focusing on your mindset keeps the body calm while reminding your brain that you can make it through this. When your emotions are constantly heightened, your body continues to stay in a state of anxiety, which results in higher cortisol levels, along with shorter tempers. You can prevent extra anxiety by being flexible and cooperative with others as much as possible. As a family, try to mend ties, strengthen bonds, and unify yourselves. Adopting this mindset will help everyone work through these stressful times together.

Make camaraderie a priority:
Cultivating camaraderie is a great way for co-parents to strengthen their team. Work through issues together in a friendly, supportive, and validating manner. As your discuss plans for emergencies, work, school, and family dynamics, stay calm and use neutral tones. Model for your children how to communicate on the same team, and demonstrate a warmth of feeling and a genuine caring for what your partner thinks, even if you disagree. Demonstrate that together time can be fun, light-hearted and relaxing.

Inject FUN into your day:
It can’t all be about work! Find new ways for you and your partner to relax together so that you can parent better. If your co-parent doesn’t live with you, share fun or pleasant stories about your kids over a phone call or Facetime. Focus on what is going well and work on lightening the mood up a bit.

It’s never been more necessary to come together as parents and families for the sake of the children’s health. Set aside your differences and build your relationship to a place of strength to help your family cope with the ever-changing situation. Communicating and approaching issues from a place of openness and patience will not only help your co-parenting team continue to approach the situation with strength, but it will also help you to be prepared and to feel supported as a parent during this time.