3 Myths to Debunk about Emotions
It's no secret that emotions can be complex. They exist to help us connect and empathize with each other, stay motivated, and/or keep us safe although some of the myths about emotions only remind us about the negative impact emotions have in our lives.
Let's debunk some of the most common myths clients have about emotions:
Myth #1: Emotions are facts.
In day to day life, this myth is perpetuated by sayings like “I have a right to feel this way- anyone else experiencing this would feel this way too!”
Emotions are opinions, not everyone feels the same way responding to the same situation. They are responses to an interpretation of a fact. We may not know why we feel a certain way and that doesn’t mean that we cannot still use self-validation or have others validate our emotions. Validating emotions does not equal agreeing with them!
Rather than questioning them, look at emotions as messages. What does feeling this way tell me about the situation? This is a great question to ask your child when they are feeling down or acting out of an emotional state. Rather than challenging the emotion, explore together what is causing them to surface and what they can do to find relief.
Myth #2: Emotions control my behavior.
In day to day life, this myth is perpetuated by sayings like “I was angry, I couldn’t help myself.”
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) teaches that two opposites can exist and both be true at the same time. For example, I can feel angry and be calm or I can be happy and feel sad. You can experience an emotion and not act on it. Again, emotions are messages to tell you something about the situation you are in. They are not markers or indicators of what kind of behavior or action to follow. Your emotions do not define you or your actions, but rather they inform you about what is going on in your environment.
Myth #3: Showing emotions makes me weak.
In day to day life, this myth is perpetuated by sayings like “What are people going to think of me if I show that I’m *insert emotion here*?”
Unfortunately, perpetuating this myth can have many negative effects on a person’s mental health, confidence, relationships, and beyond. Life will be challenging at times and you may have emotional responses to those challenges. What you do with those emotions can have a big impact on the behaviors that you use to respond to the situations.
Normalizing talking about all emotions (not just the “happy” ones) is important to get the support we need, in whatever capacity that may look like (from a loved one or a professional).
Emotions can be compared to helium that’s put into a balloon. Throughout your days emotions fill the balloon depending on your experiences. If we don’t find ways to let helium “out of the balloon” through communication, seeking support, or processing those emotions through introspection or in whatever way works best for us, the balloon will get too big. When a balloon gets too big it explodes. Figuratively speaking, when we hold too much in we may feel like we get to a breaking point also.
Consider the ways that you handle your emotions and the way your thoughts on emotions perpetuate these myths. If you find that many of these myths are deeply negatively impacting your life and you want to change that, seeking professional help can be a great first step to consider.